Unlike most, I didn't have any celebration plans on New Year's Eve. Sure, it was a little lonely and even though I kept saying to anyone who'd listen that it was "just another day," a little part of me was secretly wishing that a friend, anyone, would ask to spend the day with me. Because that means that I matter, quite a bit, to someone. But no one did, and that's alright. The fact that I'm okay with that, though, is not just alright - it's great. Had I the same mindset that I did a few weeks ago, I'd probably have taken a few gulps of rum (Mount Gay, on the rocks!) and drink myself to sleep, or gone out to some bar and order one too many drinks. But I did not, and I am thankful for that.
So - on New Year's Eve, my mum was to go out with her friends to watch the new year fireworks, and my brother was to go out and party with his friends, presumably at a club somewhere. Me though, I was busy making chocolate truffles (with two different flavours, orange and rum & raisin), because my previous attempt at it didn't end so well and I wanted to try again, and on that day, I had the kitchen (and the house) all to myself. It's quite a challenging and time-consuming task, especially since I can hardly cook. Fortunately, this second attempt proved more successful than the last, albeit that still doesn't mean that it was all that successful. But I digress. I had aimed to finish making the truffles before midnight, for some reason. When I finished coating all the truffles and put them in the fridge, I turned around to look at the clock on my kitchen table and saw that it was ten minutes to twelve. Good timing, but I still had dirty dishes to wash, with bits of melted chocolate on them that don't come off too easily. What to do? I contemplated dropping everything and turning on the TV to wait for the countdown. I could wash the dishes tomorrow, right? But instead, I started washing them, real quickly. I decided that I didn't want to leave dirty dishes for next year; I wanted to start on a clean slate. I was anxious to finish on time, but alas, the minutes ticked by and soon midnight came and passed. I didn't hear any counting down or cheers from the groups of people celebrating downstairs though, which was strange. As it turned out, the clock was around five minutes early, as all the other clocks in my house are. So by the time I was done and looked at my phone, the time showed 11.57. Phew, I thought, as I slumped onto the couch and reached out for the TV remote. But as I was about to press the button, I realised that I didn't care much for the countdown and the fireworks. It was, after all, just another day.
I went about my business, and was actually in the toilet when I heard the countdown and cheers. I smiled, and shortly afterwards when I went back to watching Game of Thrones in my room, I heard fireworks. I was quite puzzled, because surely you can't hear the fireworks from Marina Bay all the bay from my area, and peered through the curtains. I could see a few sparks in the sky, the rest blocked from view by the blocks opposite. I wondered where those fireworks were being set off for a second, then resumed watching Game of Thrones, with the sound of fireworks in the background.
I guess my point is, I don't care much about the new year. New years have never symbolised a new start for me, and it really is just another day. But I did have a new start a few weeks prior, when I gained a new perspective on life after taking part in a camp. (Well, sort of.) For the most part, 2013 was a truly shitty year for me, but in those last few weeks, I was at peace with myself. That's not much, but it's more that I can say for the recent years. So here's to new beginnings, to persevering on the long and arduous journey of finding ourselves. Happy new year! :)
