There.

I wonder what it's like over there.
Will there be no music, only silence?
Will the temperature be way higher than it is now, and no fan or air-con to turn on?
Will there be nothing, no one, but empty space?

I wonder how I'll be like over there.
Will I still be a human being, or something else?
Will I still be who I am now, regardless of what form I take?
Will I exist at all?

What I wish for, is that there is no "over there", and there won't be "me".

I can't do this anymore.

It hurts to have to keep a distance when all I wanna do is run to you and hug you with all my might.

Sometimes it gets too much to bear and during these moments, I can't even muster a smile. I hate how I turn all weird; I am not myself.

I am not okay. I haven't been okay for a long time.

I just can't do this anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still want you in my life.

Even though it hurts to have to keep a distance when all I wanna do is run to you and hug you with all my might, it would hurt more if I can't see you.

I might still sometimes turn weird when it gets too much to bear, but give me a moment to get myself together and I'll be able to smile from my heart again.

It's okay, and I'll be okay.

Because I still want you in my life.

I can't do this. I can't say it.
Tomorrow I'm going to deny that I said it, if I ever did.
No, I did not say that, I never did.
Yes, I am alright, always have been.

But because I have to,
I'll say it in a whisper,
hoping that no one will hear.


Save me.




Save me.

Freaky aliens.

Let’s like different things, so that I can introduce you to the wonders of coffee and you get me trying the weirdest-sounding food. Let’s fear different things, so that I can dare you to take the tallest roller coasters ever and you coax me into stroking your puppy’s fur. Let’s have different experiences, so that I can describe to you how pretty the night sky in Thailand is and you recount to me how you once enjoyed a conversation with a total stranger at a café in San Francisco. Let’s be different, so that I can remind you to not be cocky and you allay my insecurities.

Yet, let’s be cool about how different we are, so that it is okay for me to shake my head at your taste in music and you to laugh at my fashion sense. Let’s crash into each other with full force and wonder out loud how aliens like you and I can exist. But despite the distance that is our differences, let’s somehow meet halfway and stay there. Maybe then, we’ll find out that we are not that different after all.

I want to..

I want to dye my hair.
I want to cut my hair short.
I want to shave my head.
I want to pierce my ears.
I want to have a tattoo.
I want to go someplace.
I want to stay.
I want to do nothing.
I want to do something, anything.

Run, run away
Stay away from me
Don't talk to me, don't smile at me
Pretend I don't exist, treat me like air
You don't wanna see me, see the gaping hole in me
Run, run away
Stay away from me

Random post #2.

Random post #1.

Even to feel sad,

I have no right.

I did not lose anything,

for it was not mine to lose.

Nothing is missing,

just that it's you I miss.