Tick-tock.

During Mayday's concert, the members talked about how they just came from China and it felt like they just arrived in Singapore but before they knew it, it was already the last day of the concert and they were going to leave the following day. Then, 怪獸 said something like, "时间，好像不是很够用的感觉。" I kinda teared a little at that, because I've never really felt that way. These days I've been thinking to myself, "Have 24 hours always felt this long?"

I think since it's the school holidays now and I don't have assignments and projects to complete and notes to revise, the hole in my life is even more painfully obvious. In the past I could still distract myself with dramas, variety shows and mangas, and I'd be contented with sitting on my butt in front of the computer the whole day, but now it just doesn't work anymore. 

I've been awake since 8am today. I played badminton from 10am to 12.30pm, had lunch, took a shower, came back, washed dishes from this morning's breakfast, read around 20 chapters of manga, had a really good 2-hour sleep, woke up and cook myself instant noodles, washed the dishes, cut fruits and ate them, watched 3 episodes of New Girl, and now here I am, looking at the clock and wondering why it still shows 10.53pm. Okay, 10.54 now.

I can't remember how I passed the time yesterday. I vaguely remember waking up at around 4pm, and 2 hours later, I felt bored already. 

It's not about how I can while away the time either; I have tons of movies, dramas and variety shows already in my computer ready to be watched, but I just don't feel like watching them. 

I am so tempted to just buy alcohol and drink myself to sleep every night. But I know it's stupid and unhealthy, so I stop myself from doing it. 

I know that I'm whining too much about something that doesn't even seem like a problem. So I have too much time on my hands; just go and do something, you dummy! It's not that easy, though, if you don't have anything you wanna do. I feel like I can't really talk about it either, because it's not something that anyone can help me with. I should be thankful that I am healthy, don't have to worry about money, and basically don't have anything that other people usually call a big problem. And I am, thankful. But there are days when I wished I get knocked down by a car, so my meaningless existence would end. Or get cancer, because maybe when there's a deadline to my life, I'd finally figure out what to do with what little I had of it. 

(Sorry to all cancer patients out there who might be reading this, by the way; I know I sound like an ignorant fool slash ungrateful piece of shit. Would it help if I say with all sincerity that right now, if I could, I'd take the cancer from you? No? Okay then.) 

I just went into my room, put the 5 lotions on my face and now it's 11.21. Hurray! Maybe I can call it a night soon. (Except that I slept in the evening, so I am not sleepy now. Damn.)